Recieved another letter in the mail today saying that I was not hired for a job that I interviewed for. I have had the most amazing streak of bad luck with jobs since I got out of college...it is amazing. I have a college degree, and I am an extremely hard worker yet the jobs that I have gotten have been so disapointing. I've had a series of bosses that have somewhat made me lose faith in there being good management anywhere. Then when I go to fill out an application for a new job and it asks me why I left my previous jobs, I don't lie. Imagine that! I give an honest account of why I left. I was even fired for the first time in my life last year and gave an honest account of that. I feel like being honest about these unfortunate experiences is getting me punished. A pparently sane, hardworking, talented people with dregrees are not hiring material.
At the job I got fired from, I was one of the best workers there and there were others that had been working there for years that made massive mistakes consistently, were borderline unstable and frequently a pain in the ass to my boss...and they still work there and are still causing problems. This amazes me! How the hell do I get a job? Does anyone know?! How do I get a job without selling my soul?! Is this even possible? Should I just give up or give in, in order to get anywhere? I refuse! Is that my problem...my refusal to conform and turn into a drone...do I think too much? Do I look like I know too much for these people? what is the fricking deal?
Its the strangest thing but sometimes I feel like the more impressive I am in an interview the less likely I am to get the job. Am I threatening the management? Do they think I'll steal their place? Little do they know, I wouldn't do that. I just want something to live on while I wait for success in music. I'm not looking to take over the world through a corporation! Ahhh...this infuriates me. I never would have thought that I would suffer this much in the work place or feel so desperate. Why should I even continue to try to get a job when all that experience has shown me is that I'll be mistreated by management and penalized for doing well. I'm at my fricking wits end!
Maybe this is the world's way of telling me that I don't belong in the work force. Well, not the one I'm referring to at least. The truth is all I can imagine myself doing is singing and performing and writing and recording and having children and taking care of a family. Is that what they see when they interview me....someone who's head is somewhere else? But I'm so present and attentive in the interviews and I just...I feel like giving up. There have been recent developments that lead me to believe that there will most certainly be a career for me in music. I'm already preparing for this next step and feel that that is the most important thing to focus on. I can do this, I know I can....but the troubles of the everyday life have ruined my spirits today. Being rejected aint a pretty thing :). There's so much of me that just wants to cut the strings loose that tie me to the ground and leap into the sky as I've done so many times in dreams. I can see it. :)
Got a music weekend to plan and look forward to. My bro's gonna come up and lay down some drum and vocal tracks, Rusty Lindsey, T Dawn and my drummer and dad Kevin Clark are comin up to. Maybe Eric V his manager, my girlfriends and others will show as well. Gonna be a full house...I need to start preparing. Already cleaned the garage/music room this morning. Next is the studio and house then thinking bout what to cook. I love the feeling of happy people all filled in a warm house and creative enviornment. Something to look forward too...